Keep It Rural is a mini-trilogy of rural tales, two solos and a double-hander by Toi graduates, and young writers/performers to take note of – Asher Smith and Tansy Hayden.

Hayden’s Southland Miss Centenary 1973, reliving her glory years is a treasure, and Smith’s farmer angered by the encroachment of the LOTR tourism trade on his land is thoughtfully done.

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Two solo pieces (you’ve guessed it – from last year’s Toi Whakaari’s solo season) and a new two-hander are three short entertaining light comedies that make up Keep it Rural.

It might also be called How Are We Going to Keep Them Down on The Farm? after the stereotypical farmers and their wives have had their lives turned upside down by marital infidelity, showbiz tourism and the failure of Bethany, a much loved Alpaca, to get pregnant.

Hay Days, Tansy Hayden’s solo piece, is a funny/sad tale of a former beauty queen (Miss Canterbury 1973) from Riversdale, near Gore who fell for the handsome captain of the local footy team, married him and became a farmer’s wife only to discover that his Brylcreme and Brut charm is also catnip to the pub owner’s daughter.

Asher Smith’s solo piece The Return of the Queen is a darkish comedy of the Roald Dahl kind about Sam Eagle who is upset by tourists, who trample over his land for The Middle Earth Experience, and by the possibility of Hobbit Town being built nearby. But his concerns about his privacy and the environment are nothing compared to his concerns about the possible fate of an oak tree on his property and the secret that might be revealed.

In the two-hander, Keep it Rural, Marshall and Rose, dressed and speaking as if auditioning for membership of the Canterbury landed gentry, are not only about to celebrate a wedding anniversary when they are almost broke but Rose feels Marshall is besotted with his alpacas and the farm is a sinking ship and she never signed up to be captain.

Not your usual Fringe fare with its Roger Hall-ish comedy, but these three conventional pieces are funny, even creating laughter out of corny jokes, and it is performed with a well-honed and polished style by Tansy Hayden and Asher Smith.

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Three poignantly comic sketches of rural life make up this rewarding hour. The first two are revivals of Tansy Hayden and Asher Smith’s respective Go Solo 08 works and the third is their brand new two-hander.  

The opening image of Miss Centenary 1973, resplendent in gown, sash and tiara atop a mound of tyres, is classic. The way her regal bearing and super-sophistication is instantly corroded by her rich Kiwi twang is even more so. And this distils the course of the story she is about to share.

Tansy Hayden holds us in the palm of her hands as her Hay Dayz unravels from as romantic a start as you could hope to win from the bloody and muddy captain of the Winton rugby team whose dad owns the local pub – where steak, chips and Speights is the highlight of a gourmet date – through the decade that follows, to the sorry state we find her in now.

Just when all the past-tense story-telling is beginning to rob the performance of its immediacy, it becomes apparent she is in the home paddock, having slept the night in the chook house, and we – the sheep? – are her confidantes as she endeavours to come to terms with the trauma her husband has inflicted upon her.  

The radical change Asher Smith’s farmer Sam Eagle is having to confront is altogether different. His Watawata (think Matamata) land in the King Country was used as the location for Bilbo’s Bag End in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, his wife Dora has died and is buried there, and now international tour groups are trampling over all that he holds dear.

With his faithful hound Muttley at his side, Sam wields a megaphone, a spade and rough humour in his defence, while bright-eyed tour guide Murray Farquhar (also Smith) characterises the new world – although he does resort to Elvish in welcoming dignitaries to the launch of the new upgraded facility.

I take it Dora is the Queen of the title and I confess to remaining unclear as to what exactly The Return of the Queen denotes in this tale. But Smith gives us a gruff old codger and effete guide to remember.

Keep it Rural finds Rosemary and Marshall Dooley on diverging paths as they find their diversification into alpacas, on their McKenzie Country farm, has not proved to be the cash cow they anticipated.

All blue and white check blouse and pearls with private school manners to match, the increasingly jaded and cynical Rose (Hayden) is ready to leave her rows of roses for the metropolitan comforts of Christchurch. But ever-upbeat Marshall (Smith) still has faith in his prize female Bethany, anticipating her pregnancy with a female cria will be the answer to all their woes.

But first they have to host their wedding anniversary shindig, and keep up appearances despite their declining fortunes. Will it all come together …? I can tell you it does, in a rather shocking way. On opening night I felt the audience saw what was coming a mile off – yet this didn’t spoil the impact of the ending.

Dramaturgically the playlets are character-study anecdotes that don’t reach much beyond themselves as insightful explorations of the human condition. Nevertheless Keep It Rural the trilogy slices and dices Kiwi country life in tasty ways that are well worth sampling.

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