Devised, written and performed by Tyler Clarke and Prea Millar and directed by Zoe Christall, Should Have Said No is a story that has been told both in the media and in hushed voices for years.

The first thing I love is the audience: there’s not a grey hair in sight. Wellington’s finest, youngest and possibly wokest are out to support their peers in telling a story about sexual assault that is suddenly so topical right now (with big ups to the #MeToo movement). But this isn’t a play about assault in itself. This is a play that questions what things are worth forgetting and who gets to decide.

Pan and Lo are best friends who come home at three-something in the morning after a night out at a party. They’re still dancing and having a great time; clearly pissed. It makes me yearn for that long lost youth of my past, the kind where I could drink 12 glasses of punch and not worry about the consequences. Lo puts Pan to bed in a way that you know something bad has happened, and this is confirmed when Pan wakes up with an uneasy feeling. 

The show is designed to extract the utmost empathy for Pan but I have a lot of feels about Lo. She wasn’t witness to the assault, but she found Pan afterwards, and tries her hardest to keep Pan safe by getting in the way of her memories of the night. Is this girl code at its best or worst?

I’d like to sit Lo down and ask her why she feels she gets to decide what Pan should forget, and if she really thinks a body and mind can forget something so horrific. Lo is obsessed with Pan being okay despite what happened, but I think a lot of this is about her feeling okay too. Does she feel responsible? Should she have stopped Pan from dancing up the stairs with that guy? Can we be okay just by saying it out loud? It feels a bit naive to think so, but then in moments of darkness like this, the hope of being okay just by saying it can be a bit of a life raft. The last thing this play is designed to do is judge, but man, the patriarchy’s veins run deep and I find myself thinking, but why did you drink so much?

I’ve been assaulted and so have many of my friends. I have an eleven year old daughter who I worry about, and here I sit thinking that Pan and Lo could have done things differently to avoid this kind of catastrophe. But that’s what the patriarchy is designed to do: to make women feel responsible for everything bad that happens to them, which is what the title of this play nods to. Should have said no. Should have drunk less. Shouldn’t have dressed like that.

This is heavy content but luckily there are moments of hilarity, like when the girls do a dance routine, and riff on YA novels. Certain one-liners get the lols from the young crowd, and my partner and I realise that we are indeed the oldest people in the room (but we don’t care). He’s a dude of many dudes in the crowd and I wonder if he’s going to be able to relate. Afterwards, over a beer at Goldings, we talk about things like consent and about how Lo actually has no right to keep the truth from Pan: it’s not her narrative to withhold, even if she thinks she’s doing the right thing.

Pan eventually remembers and she takes the audience through the experience. It’s not explicit enough to be traumatic but the use of rain, thunder, moody music and lights conveys the fact that what she has gone through will change her forever. It’s not the happy ending we all hope for but it’s an ending worth watching.

Bring some coins to donate to Free Wellington as there are collection buckets around when you exit the Dome. Blue Flicker Productions is a theatre company with a strong feminist voice that aims to support women and take a stand against their mistreatment. Should Have Said No is playing at Bats until 12 March.

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