You will have fun, there will be olives.  

The talent behind Laser Kiwi are at it again with their latest show, Idiom, a one night only extravaganza.* Unlike Laser Kiwis #1 and #2 that were the brain children of Imogen Stone, and Zane and Degge Jarvie, this is more of a variety show that features talented artists from all over Aotearoa like Jackson Cordery, Jerome Chandrahasen, Sachie Mikawa, Rosita Hendry, Dee Van Wel, and Bjorn Aslund. Shout outs to the master of light and sound, Dean Holdaway, and stage manager, Gina Maura Heidekruger too, for making it all come together so seamlessly, so magically.

I come for the olives and am pleasantly surprised by all the extra fun stuff like circus, stand-up comedy, drag, music and brine. Yes, brine! And I’m not the only one – Te Auaha is packed, the fullest I’ve ever seen it. I have to admit, I get a bit panicky thinking of all the germs in this room, and I know that the pandemic is no longer a ‘thing’ here for us, so I have an IPA from the bar to chill out and settle in.

We start off with Egg (a cuter than cute Sachie Mikawa). Egg likes to boogie and she’s getting a lot of laughs because 1, she is adorable and 2, she is dressed as an egg (which is a shirt and what looks like an old man’s undies). Egg’s balloon pops, and it’s sad for a minute before we realise that we have an even bigger egg extending high up to the ceiling. And then that balloon pops too, and there’s Imogen Stone up in the air, spinning, sparkling, like it’s normal to have been birthed from a giant white balloon (or egg?!). It all happens so fast – was she in the egg? Was she behind the egg? A true mystery.

Imogen is dressed as a disco ball, and as I watch her sparkle from above, I’m left regretting the Gorilla burger I wolfed down for dinner when really I should have hit the gym. I’ve referenced her arms before, so I won’t do the same again, but I will be thinking of them when I try to bail out of yet another session with my personal trainer on Monday.

After her dazzling display, we get a taste of funny stand up. Jerome Chandrahasen is cracking up the crowd with hard truths about how lame the cable car is and the ridiculous abundance of feijoas in this country. On to Dee Van Wel, a sweet singer songwriter with a haunting voice. She has me under her spell instantly with a song she only wrote a week ago. Sadly, she moves into a number by Norah Jones – you know the one. She sings it well, perhaps better than Norah herself, but it’s from 2002 and it played on the radio non-stop for what felt like a decade, hence my visceral reaction to the first few chords. I think Dee should sing her own beautiful songs with that beautiful voice of hers. Luckily, Egg comes in and makes it all better. The audience is singing along with Egg and I no longer have to pretend I’m having fun during this bit, because it turns out I actually am.

I’m not going to dwell too much on the Pictionary part, which is a bold attempt that falls flat due to lagging technology. Also, that cat looks more like a bear, and that Snoop Dog looks more like the Big Lebowski. The best part of this bit is the message board the audience is using to send messages – the best ones being around pot shops, Bart Simpson and questions for Egg, who is clearly the unlikely star of the show.

Personally, Rosita Hendry is my shining star tonight. She’s here with us because Covid crushed her dream gig with Cirque du Soleil, but her loss is our gain. Again, ARMS. Her hula hoop work is phenomenal to say the least; it is dreamlike, mesmerising. At one point I am even moved to tears from the beauty of it all and my longing to be able to move like that (#too old #notgonnahappen). I’m high on the celebration of the human spirit and body that this show is surfacing.

Then the ultimate strip tease gets me all hot under the collar. Bjorn Aslund you are a total minx and your moves should be illegal (and I say this with complete admiration, respect and a touch of jealousy).

There’s more Egg, maybe too much. Honestly, I don’t need more guitar to chill me out after a hilarious outer space comedy set, even though I am ALWAYS up for more of Aslund’s moves. I’m not sure if helium voices are as funny as we think they are a few drinks in. But ultimately I’m happy to sit through repetition and the intermission if it means ending on Jackson Corey – half-man, half-elastic band – because no, you can’t be human bending like that, splits-ing like that, hanging from the ceiling like that, like it’s a piece of cake. He’s incredible, alluring and frankly, there should be more of him and that out-of-this world Rosita.

We walk out into the streets of Wellington that are humming with drunks on Flamingos, crowds of night walkers in crazy costumes and the usual riff-raff on Cuba and Manners. And I feel exhausted because for the last 2 hours this incredible cast has kept me riveted and enthralled, which is the first time I’ve felt this way in this trash fire of a year. I’m utterly thankful I got to see it and feel it. 

*[Laser Kiwi will be producing this ever-changing variety show throughout next year with their next dates already lined up for 12th, 13th, 19th & 20th of March 2021.]

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