Drinking during work hours… gambling… skiving off … Welcome to life as a PE teacher at Hautapu High School, the setting for Kings of the Gym: a play that measures up modern teaching methods, political correctness and religion and sends them off for twenty quick laps of the school field. 

Laurie O’Connor is the lazy head of the PE department with a hotline to the TAB, Pat is his former pupil, now co-worker who could be going places but has somehow become stuck. Together they spend their days in the office talking rubbish, complaining about the stupidity of the curriculum and supervising the kids by yelling at them out the window.  

Laurie’s unorthodox style may be popular with the pupils but Principal Viv Cleaver isn’t impressed. She has big plans for the school and when star netballer and student teacher Annie Tupua arrives, things start to change for Laurie and Pat. 

Written by Dave Armstrong, Kings of the Gym may not be subtle but it’s very funny and there are no holds barred in terms of the comedy. I wouldn’t have been the only person who was laughing while simultaneously wondering if I should.

Credit needs to go to the four cast members, who deftly portray characters that in other hands could be offensive or unsympathetic. John Leigh, the master of the double take, finds Laurie’s inherent likeability and hidden sense of purpose. Brett O’Gorman is an able and appealing foil as the loveable Pat while Cian Elyse White‘s Annie is strong and real. Extra house points to Bronwyn Bradley as Principal Viv for offering up a character rather than a pantomime villainess. 

Director Peter Elliot has staged a hugely enjoyable production that works seamlessly. By the end of the period, the score was Comedy 10; Boredom Nil and political correctness had been placed on detention. 

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If you wish Paul Henry were hosting Seven Sharp, and you like watching 7 Days and Two and a Half Men, then this might be the play to make you change your mind about theatre being all mincing “clown-f***ers” (to use a Kings of the Gym-ism).

Sometimes – big call here – theatre might even be as good as New Zealand television. [More] 

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Playwright Dave Armstrong is firmly ensconced in the Kiwi psyche as a guarantee of a lively night out at the theatre. With a string of hits behind him, Armstrong has struck the formula and rattles it out to perfection, though never once churning out predictable settings or themes.

Characters are as far flung and ranging as we could wish and his comedy is varied. From low to highbrow, through sarcasm, satire, politically correct (the ‘in’ kind and that out of fashion), and rude innuendo to clever and subtle, it all hits the spot producing ripples of amusement to gales of belly laughs. The future is bright for Dave Armstrong if he keeps the laughs topical and insightful and walks the playwriting path less trod.

With as much irony in the title as you can find, you could be excused for thinking you were going to see a testosterone-fuelled cast jockeying around a sports field. Sport, however, thankfully, is only the starting point for a sharp, clever, insightful and funny script.   

As with The Motor Camp though, the ending is presented to us all neatly tied up in pink ribbons with everyone dancing off into the sunset a la Gilbert and Sullivan. Complete resolution is not always the order of the day, nor is it ever topical.

Head of PE Laurie is King of all he surveys from the sweat-stained old school gym to the PE office where balls, beer and TAB slips vie for position on the floor. In residence is assistant teacher Pat, the middle of the road voice of reason who’s there to link Laurie with his nemesis. Cue Annie – enter stage left – with the flare, energy and naivety of the student teacher, and the ideals and morals of the modern way of teaching.

Within two short hours, Armstrong turns his scalpel on most subjects with religion getting a good slashing, dissecting the whole cult church/Christian leader/tithe issue with ease and humour. In some cases we are presented with both sides of the argument a little too neatly, akin to a debate at times, but Armstrong manages to raise questions on nearly every page, thankfully never giving us the answers. If we want them, we’ll supply them.

Credit to Armstrong that he digs across the board but for the majority of the time we never really see where the writer actually sits – nor do we need to. 

I think a gentle slide into character and situation could have served the play better than the ‘hitting the ground running’ approach we saw last night. I’m all for getting the point across but the first ten minutes allowed no time for audience to get its bearings before we were being asked to laugh at curriculum jokes, resulting in a quiet start for the cast from us, wherein some good material was maybe lost whilst we adjusted to what we were watching.

One obvious outcome of the script – and I’m guessing Armstrong doesn’t mind sharing his answer on this one – is that the educational system and the world in general is far too PC. It really is time we stopped before real human characters are lost and we all slide into a two-dimensional, grey existence. The lesson is given that the old ways served their purpose and a ‘take or speak as you find’ style had, and still has, its advantages. 

John Leigh is superb, filling out the role of Laurie with surprising warmth and humour beyond the obvious gags. His presence is second to none and he commands the company of four with panache and style. His wordplay with Principal Viv Cleaver, played in deliciously over the top and overbearing manner by Bronwyn Bradley are marvellous. Bronwyn Bradley brings joy every time she appears, eager to please, charmingly manipulative with a heart of gold. She, more than anything, bought back memories of schooldays for me. 

Cian Elyse White as newbie Annie Tupua fights hard for her slice of the stage and given that the rest of the cast are reactive around her, doesn’t quite achieve it. Director Peter Elliot has kept the pace up and the action flowing nicely, the cast using the space well but Annie seemed to get lost somewhere along the line. She provides the impetus for each scene and then seems to melt into the background. Her scenes with Bronwyn Bradley are played with a nice touch and when Cian Elyse White relaxes and has something to say it comes across but at most she seems tense and nervous. 

The scenes between Annie and Pat, who is ably rounded out by Brett O’Gorman, seem clumsy at best, clunky at worst, and at times there is maybe a little too familiarity with the set, with hands reaching for props without actually looking for them. 

Design creatives Rachael Walker, Sara Taylor and Brad Gledhill have gelled well on set, costume and lighting respectively, bringing the old school gym office to us. The added bonus – and possibly taken for granted by many in the audience – is the excellent sound design by J P M’Ginty. Apt, subtle and evocative of any school you care to mention, M’Ginty has supplied the backbone of the play right there.

A must for teachers, pupils and lovers of satirical comedy. 

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New Zealand’s Education sector contains potentially ripe pickings for a dramatist. It is a perennial battleground of ideologies, agendas, values, and teaching methods and assessments. In recent times the sector itself has resembled a Dave Armstrong style farce: non-standard National Standards, No-go pay and Hekia “Karma” Parata. Armstrong’s newest play Kings of the Gym feels  timely, though, in teacher-speak, does not live up to its potential.

Laurie Connor (John Leigh) is the old-school, unfit, head PE Teacher who has been at Hautapa College – a low decile South Auckland school – for twenty years. You’ll know this type of teacher. He eschews lesson plans and calls his kids nicknames like “Chopstick” and “Harry Potter”. He’s a school institution and the kids love him for his no-nonsense style. He’s joined by Pat (Brett O’Gorman), himself a former student of Laurie’s who continues to be influenced by his mentor. They are the Kings, and their castle is the office that overlooks the gym floor. [More]

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