Chrome casting this show is annoying, thank god Professor Roadkill is here to sort out the AV otherwise I would’ve been watching it without sound. Anyway, the Professor and I are here, rugged up in dressing gowns, fire lit, wine glasses full, cat on lap, and thrilled really to be watching some theatre from the comfort of our own home. That is until it starts.  

First of all, I love Alayne Dick. I think she’s fabulous. I loved her in Deep and Meaningful and I think she’s a very talented actor. Aaron, I don’t know, but his moustache is great and he exudes charisma. But I didn’t love this show, and let me explain why.

There seems to be a live audience and after I let go of the #FOMO of not being there live myself, I settle into the couch, the fire, the wine. Notice how I say “I” now and before it was “we”? Professor Roadkill has tuned out five minutes in and has opted to play online Scrabble with his bestie in Canterbury. He can’t handle the sound, or rather the lack of volume. Yes, we’re still kinda in lockdown, but if you’re going to do an online performance, make sure the sound is good?

But hey, the comedians tell us themselves that everything is fucked, so let’s have a laugh. There are people laughing, but it’s not me. The loud guffaws from the audience are no doubt friends and family, which is lovely, but not good enough for me on a Friday night.

I think they lose me right at the beginning when they riff on how the world is complicated and terrifying and so they want to acknowledge this to avoid being tone deaf, but it doesn’t work. The show is tone deaf, and frankly, not that funny. The jokes about World Dairy Day to take away from the George Floyd references comes off as tasteless.

Our comedians admit that they don’t have any right to touch on such deep dark subjects such as what’s going on in America and COVID, and they’re right, but still they try when they talk about ‘woke’ corporations are trying to seem right now. Um, pot kettle black?

The buzz from the wine and the warmth from the fire are wearing off and patience is wearing thin when Alayne and Aaron retire to the parlour to make the namesake appetiser, Shrimp Cocktail. A few more references to #worlddairyday in, I watch them make a gross cocktail of things like angry crab blood and mermaid tears, and yes, prawns. They don’t consume much until it’s time to hear them read ‘funny’ movie reviews.

At this point I’m thankful that I’m at home, that I could in fact just turn the TV off and put on Narcos instead, but I try to stick it out. The bad taste of discussing George Floyd’s murder lingers, its bad taste tainting the rest of my experience. I start to feel anxious about the live calls, because I’m too old to figure out how to make myself ‘offline’ on this platform and I really don’t feel like engaging.

There are allusions to how ‘professional’ their show is when they mess up – self-deprecating yes, but also, why not do a few runs before going live to make this a real production?

By the end of the show, the live audience are the winners. Blame it on COVID or whatever, but theatre, even this one, should be enjoyed live, in person. It’s the only way to truly experience a performance, in my opinion. As for this show in particular – I’d take my attention span elsewhere.

Watch it on demand here.

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